Hitchcock Didn't Even Know, Man

Recently I read this article, on an extended study which confirms that (as I feel we all knew on some level) birds are basically psychopaths, who are now deliberately corralling their prey with fire.
Please take a moment to read it, so that you're properly informed about how scared you should be. I'll be right back - I'm going to go purchase some flame-retardant clothing.

I mean, that's messed up, right?

Granted, they live in Australia, where nature has ratified martial law against humans, but it's still unsettling to know that this kind of injustice can be allowed to stand. I feel like I should do something. Something major, something drastic. I live in the richest, most far reaching nation on earth.

I know, I'll create a hashtag.

#LoveNotHeat

There, I feel like an active member of society, doing my best.


It's a little disturbing to me that of all the creatures to figure out fire, it's the one with the best chance of using it in strategic warfare. If gorillas had figured out fire-as-a-weapon, it'd be scary, but not much more scary than just an angry gorilla by itself. Being smacked with a burning baseball bat is a less frightening proposal than being picked up and folded like a patio chair.
But raptors, with vision so good that it's a stereotype, now not only fundamentally understand how fire works, but how to put it to use in field strategy. That's a pretty good argument for building subterranean cities.

#MorlokLyfe

I finally get the fear that must have been going through the heads of the Gods of Olympus when Prometheus stole fire for man. What's worse is that we can't even punish these birds the was Prometheus was punished, since that involved more birds. The raptors would just clue the vultures in, and then we'd also have to fight fire-vultures.

As the title of this entry suggests, I think that we can all agree that Alfred Hitchcock's portrayal of the Avian Revolution was somewhat tame. In The Birds the people just hid in a house for most of it, but that wouldn't have been any problem for the Greater Australian Psychohawk. Hell, while we're at it, the original psycho Norman Bates was just a guy with a knife. Getting burned alive in the shower would have been way more horrific (practicality aside).

____________________

TL;DR - Game over, man. Game over.